Sunday, February 12, 2012


Dear Mom and Dad,

I can't believe we never had body wash in the house while I was growing up. Do you realize how weird this has made me? How much therapy/blog posting will I have to do before I get over this?

Spoiled child #3

Letter explained:

I grew up in a home where we didn't use body wash. So sue me.* Instead I used whatever shampoo was lying around the house.

Not only did we not use body wash but I also missed the memo where you're supposed to use a washcloth. During my teenage years whenever I had a sleepover with "hygienic" friends I would grab them a towel and point the way to the shower. Not soon after this, they would ask in a tone of voice that said to me, "you must've just forgotten, but can I have a washcloth?" Even though I was perplexed by this I would indeed hunt one down for them.

What made it worse was when I would visit their house. They would just hand me a washcloth. Instead of admitting I didn't use one, I would fake it. Leaving it wet as if I had used it to my heart's content.

Can you believe this went on for years?

Do you even care? Don't answer that.

The newly embraced weird self now says:

Dear Mom and Dad,

I calculated it out and over the course of my life you have saved me $396.00 by not introducing me to the concept of body wash. Who knows how much you'll save me in the future.

Muchos Gracias,

Dirty child #3

*Actually sue my parents because they are to blame for all my problems remember?

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